NEW SONG: different beds


by the time i got to butch’s last november,
i just remember feeling relief.
after a couple of years of feeling lost,
the album was FINALLY in focus.
and almost done.
and the year was winding down.

butch's studio is on the west side
close to the ocean
(and a killer comic book shop).
the air moves there.
it's different than the rest of los angeles.
it’s really hard to feel stuck
when you’re surrounded
by that much movement.

we worked fast,
butch is all gut and confidence
and inspiration when he makes music.
it’s easy to follow him.

i had the “different beds” lyric in a poem.
i wrote the rest of the words
up in tahoe, during thanksgiving break.
i love the words so much.
i love the story.

i live with the delusion
that i can change the outcome
of things by just trying harder.
it’s a recipe for constant disappointment,
for sure. but i still do it.
this song is an exercise
in writing about the opposite.
about surrender.
about coming to terms with the fact
that you can only change the “you,”
not the “us.”
and not being bitter about it.
just facing facts.
we’ll see the sunrise again...
we’ll find happiness again...
it’s just not gonna be together.

the demo was sparse.
but when i got back to butch’s
in december, he had taken it all
“avalon”-era roxy music.
dreamy and washy and sexy.
way better.

the part of the song
that really lays me out though
is the middle 8.
when everything drops out
and there’s just that rhodes,
and that guitar
and my voice. all dry and up front.
resigned.

“sometimes the things you love /
don’t love you back”

brutal stuff.

stream + download “different beds”

Emily Antonicci